Food Quest Update

How awesome is this picture?! It's me posing in my robes in front of the city skyline. I am so awesome. So I am currently looking for a few staple foods that need to be available to me in ready quantities or I do crazy things like move to another country. I want an awesome cheap fried fish taco. They have a good one at Aspen but the kind I want cost like 2 dollars max and are made in minutes and are so spicy I can breathe fire out of my butt the next day. I am also looking for awesome chocolatier in the city thats ready to make some interesting stuff other than chocolate dipped pretzels or boring caramel filled chocolate bars. I also want to find the best burger in town. I am not happy with any of the current rating systems because they are filled with opinions that aren't mine. I will update all on my progress weekly.

Cheers,
KungFuChef

Sexy update: I am also looking for the best hot sauce around. A cross between a nuclear explosion and bacon, the most delicious food group.

Someone ate my chocolate. (Richart NYC)

Something my readers should know is that I love chocolate. Dark chocolate especially, white chocolate not so much. However I have had a white chocolate mousse that was so good i wanted to make love to it. I drink so much nestle quik I should be sponsored. So its probably obvious that I know just about every chocolate shop in the city. I don't mind paying 8 dollars for a chocolate bar if people in the jungle died obtaining the beans and a cow was sacrificed to the gods of milk. One of my favorite places, Richart, had the best blends in their chocolate. They have traditional like salted caramel with salt from Brittany and butter from Normandy (happiest cows), and then really exotic pasta sounding chocolate like tomato basil. When I found this place I thought I had found my new apt in the city and asked to have a cot in the back. I bought a bunch of chocolate from the nice lady in December and we talked chocolate for a while and it was nice. So when I was going on one of my chocolate tasting tours on Madison ave I came to Richart and saw that it was completely gutted. The place looked like it had been deserted for months! It's like I bought the last chocolate they made. I went home and checked the website and found that they still have a location in Boston and San Juan but none in NYC anymore. WTF. Why does Puerto Rico have artisinal chocolate and not NYC. I mean, this isn't Columbus, Ohio-- this is New York where we have every kind of food in the world within 100 blocks. Why does my favorite Chocolate shop have to close down?!? So unfair. I am now going to quest for the best chocolate shop in New York to replace this one. If I see the lady who used to work there I am going to strangle her for not warning me, I would have bought a few boxes to last me. Also note to everyone doing a "chocolate tasting tour"; it sounds great but its really hard to eat enough chocolate to make it worthwhile to go to more than like, 3 places unless your a hippopotamus. I wonder if hippos are like dogs and they die if they eat chocolate. Is that true? I feel like thats just something my mom told me so that I wouldn't waste chocolate on the dog. Or maybe to stop me from giving the dog explosive diarrhea, gross. Anyway, don't go here unless you want to be angry.

0 out of 10 ninja stars

www.richart-chocolates.com

Find them hot and leave them wet. (Aspen NYC)

Aspen is a great idea when it's cold out and you want a warm fun place to go dine, have fun, or even dance. Unfortunately it's not ideal in the summer months when the huge fire-pit is just there and its not on because obviously it would be silly to drink in a sweat lodge... or is it? I wonder if one could get a lot drunker in sauna-like temperatures with sweat dripping from your body, I bet the dress code would be fun. Girls in bikinis, cold beers, the fire-pit. But I digress. I like this place because it has a really warm cozy feeling when you enter, not just temperature-wise. The staff is genuinely nice and very helpful and accommodating and the decor is wooden ski-lodge themed. The menu consists of an eclectic American mix from southwest favorites like brook trout tacos (current food quest) and all-American dishes like bison sliders. I am constantly surprised by how good the food is here because it's kind of under the radar. On weekends the place is really bumping like a club, which is great if your on a first date and you want to dry hump your date immediately after getting her drunk on cocktails like acai-margaritas and poached pear martinis and disguised the whole plan as a simple 'dinner' for two. On really cold days like when it snows the drinks are half off which is nice except global warming (Hummers) are ruining my chances on this deal. It is a bit on the pricey side but definitely worth a visit.

7 out of 10 ninja stars

30 W 22nd St
New York, NY 10010
(212)645-5040
www.aspen-nyc.com

Sexy update: The fire-pit becomes a fountain in the spring/summer and hot girls can swim in it naked like in Batman Begins... Yesssss!

Adding addresses to all posts.

Since everyone has been asking and they are all too lazy to google the restaurants, I am adding the addresses to each post and a website if they have one. Hope you guys are happy and thank you for reading. Additionally some of you have been contacting me to let me know about restaurants you would like me to review, please continue to do this. I would be happy to verbally crush any one of your favorite haunts. 

Cheers, 

KungFuChef

Cuba is more than just cigars and strong coffee. (Cafe Habana NYC)

This place is super delicious and very hip. It's tucked away in nolita and one can often spot a celeb or two munching on what might possibly be the best cuban sandwich outside of Cuba. The ham is succulent, the pickles are perfect and slightly sour. The mystery sauce is amazing and it soaks into the roll like a sponge making for an awesome lunchtime snack. I highly recommend getting corn on the side to accompany. The corn is the best! It's covered in parmesean and lime and butter and you can add hot sauce. Baby Blues has a similar corn side dish but this place does it better. Have a cuban sandwich here please but remember the long wait is worth it. I ate in the main restaurant once and didn't like it but the stand around the corner specializing in take out and quick bites (same menu) is exactly the way this food should be served. 

6 out of 10 ninja stars

17 Prince St
New York, NY 10012
(212) 625-2001

The BBQ ain't the only hot in this place! (Baby Blues BBQ Venice Beach, CA)

Who would have thought that good BBQ could exist west of the mississippi? Not me, I thought it was a joke when my 90lb waitress at my favorite watering hole on Abbot Kinney (The Other Room) told me about a seriously good BBQ joint a few blocks away. Turns out she knows her stuff. Baby Blues had some of the best beer marinated pulled pork I ever tasted. They have a variety of combo platters that will satisfy any hungry beast and wont put a hole in your wallet. The ribs are really great and might be the closest thing to beating my recipe for baby back ribs yet. They also have a shrimp po boy that is not quite Domilise's but its darn good. My favorite part about this place is the delicious homemade BBQ sauce. They have two kinds, original and porno xxx flavors. The porno sauce will burn your face off but its so good that I'm smiling while tears flow freely from my eyes. The porno sauce ain't the only thing hot at this place either. They have the finest servers I have ever seen in a BBQ joint and they are friendly and full of BBQ know-how. The place itself is a bit of a dive but who cares when the food and the servers are this good (looking). The sides are awesome too, great cornbread, great mac, great beans, and the mexican style corn defies excellence. Definitely stop in Baby Blues when in Los Angeles; it's worth the detour. Be sure to get there early cause they will run out of the most popular items as the day ends. 

8 out of 10 ninja stars

444 Lincoln Bl.
Venice, CA
(310) 396-7675
www.babybluesbarbq.com

Delicious food cannot be drowned. (Domilise's New Orleans, LA

In my travels I have encountered many kinds of delicious. And in some of my travels these places have been punished for being too delicious. And none of these places more than Domilise's do I feel like the wrath of god has struck down deliciousness in its purest unfettered form. And you may ask: "KungFuChef, you are just doing charity by saying good things about a ravaged city". But no, my idea of charity is not farting in public. My idea of good wholesome food is Domilise's fried po-boy sandwiches. Either oyster or shrimp they are both excellent fried southern treats. And I love my southern treats! It's a shame hurricane Katrina temporarily paused their pursuit of food perfection but they are back and still serving it up. I recommend that you take a taxi to get there though because apparently it is not safe to walk in that part of town even if your questing for food. Because some people believe the holy grail is NOT edible, foolish as that may sound. It does spell danger for the likes of myself. I highly recommend this one although the place is a total dive, the food defines it. And thats like a lotus flower, which someone once told me truly: "Will only grow in sh*t". 

7 out of 10 ninja stars.

5240 Annunciation St
New Orleans, LA 70115
(504) 899-9126

Chuck Norris eats Mexican food too. (Le Kliff Puerto Vallarta, Mexico)

On a not so recent vacation I had the chance to visit a very interesting restaurant in Puerto Vallarta and a frequent haunt of the legendary Chuck Norris. The place was awesome. It was 15 miles south of the main town and we had to take a long ride to get there. Once there you see why people even go here. The view is phenomenal. The restaurant is covered by the worlds largest palapa which is also a really cool feature. The place is mostly seafood and that makes sense since its like one hurricane away from falling down 'le cliff' into the ocean. So i guess they must just let down fishing line in the day and serve the days catch at night. I would not put it past the friendly and attentive staff. Thankfully they spoke some english, because i bet when Chuck comes here he must roundhouse kick anyone who doesn't speak American to him. He is awesome. The food was excellent and i had seconds of the ceviche dish served in the coconut shell. The shell made it more delicious of course. I would have given this place 10 ninja stars if a few people in my group had not gotten sick the next day. Now nothing was proven but i just can't give the 10 ninja stars if it could get one of my readers sick. Im so sorry Chuck, please don't punish me with roundhouse kicks to the head.

9 out of 10 ninja stars

South Shores, Puerto Vallarta
(322) 224-0975
www.LeKliff.com

The corner of hip and trendy. (La Esquina NYC)

If you crave amazing mexican food and great service with availability and seriously unpretentious people DO NOT GO TO La Esquina. However, the place does have an amazing tequila selection and its a really fun place to eat light food and see some pretty faces before a really crazy night out on the town. I like this place for dates because its so tucked away, its hidden inside a taco stand. The door in the back is guarded by a suit with a clipboard and if you forgot to make a reservation 3 weeks in advance then you better have a bat to get by him. Once you do you will travel down a long staircase into the belly of the taco stand into the kitchen and out the other side into the main dining room. The dining room looks like the ancient cave of some tex-mex monster decorated with expensive bottles of tequila and beautiful stars and their entourages. The two best things about this place is the decor which seems to be perfect for this place and the tequila selection and its execution. They know tequila here. It's separated into blancos, reposados, and anejos and they have just about every brand I know. It does not come with lime unless you ask (but your wrong) but it does come with a tomato juice-like shot on the side which is designed to lessen the burn but save the flavor of the tequila in your throat (wuss). I love this place for big groups and dates but would recommend somewhere else if you hungrier than a 80 pound supermodel. 

7 out of 10 ninja stars

106 Kenmare St
New York, NY 10012
(646) 613-7100
www.esquinanyc.com

French food at the end of the world. (Chez Manu Ushuaia, AR)

Recently, I was in the city at the end of the world. Ushuaia, Argentina was a really special place that did not have much nighttime when I was there. the sun set at midnight and rose at 4 am. There were penguins (not for eating unfortunately) and beavers all over. It was very peculiar to me when I was at a cafe at the port that a frenchman came to me and told me of the hidden secret of Ushuaia. There was a french gastronome who had a restaurant at the top of the mountain where he cooked the finest french food this side of the equator, he said it in french of course. This place was not the best ever but it was pretty damn good. I would say that the service was terrible. Argentines do not understand good french service. It was a shame because the food was so amazing I wept, at least a tear. The meal started with cold king crab from the nearby channel. This was so flavorful i almost ate the plate. I love king crab so much, if done right it can be better than lobster. However, the chef admitted to me the hotter you serve it the more it's flavor is lost. So i passed on the broiled lobster-au-gratin and had some local sea-bass. This particular dish was not on the menu and I believe the Chef brought it out because my family has a French bistro in NYC and he wanted to show us his best. This fish was unbelievably well cooked. The thing was like butter in my mouth. It dissolved between my teeth and into my belly it stayed. Quite possibly the best simple fish dish i have ever had. I thought that would be it but there was more. I finished my meal with the finest souffle with grand marnier anywhere. They set a ball of flaming ice cream into the center and challenged me to hate it. It was soooo good. I highly recommend this tucked-away-treat in the terra del fuego. But if you can get the chef's suggestions then your meal will step up from ok to amazing.

7 out of 10 ninja stars

Louis Martial 2135
Ushuaia, Argentina

Some truly excellent smoked animal. (R.U.B NYC)

Hey ya! I had a chance to get away from the city this weekend and made some BBQ of my own. Baby back ribs are my favorite and i have not found a rival for my special recipe but R.U.B certainly comes close. Unfortunately for New York City we can't have real charcoal BBQ but do have some excellent smokers. At R.U.B just about everything on the menu is smoked about 24 hours in advance and tastes like it. It's delectable and delicious, never dried out. The pulled pork and brisket sandwiches are great and will fill you up for under $10. The beer on tap is just great and they've got one right now thats a wheat beer who's name escapes me but its something silly like 'oh my gosh' or something and it is my favorite. I have tried the frito pie which is truly a unique southern treat. They split open a fresh bag of fritos and drop in melted chili and cheese and jalapenos. Decadent. The duck is also a really really excellent treat if you can manage to get here before they sell out. like true BBQ, if they run out, you can't have it till tomorrow. I love this place for lunch or dinner but it's not classy enough for a real classy date so keep it between friends. Look out for the happy hours on game days and enjoy my favorite BBQ in town (so far). They are closed on MONDAY. CHEERS!

8 out of 10 ninja stars

208 W 23rd St
New York, NY 10011
(212) 524-4300
www.rubbbq.net